about the passions that carry you

Yes, this is a mirror selfie.  And yes, I just wore this on a jog while brainstorming this post.  Don't worry -- explanation to follow.  Long live the Oh, Crop shirt.  

I've already told y'all a bit about middle school Emily.  Let's take it to high school, shall we?

Here are a few fun facts to get us acquainted:  High School Emily won the superlative "Most Likely To Publish a Novel".  High School Emily had her English teachers sign her yearbook. High School Emily went to Journalism Camp (where she got the shirt pictured above, which Modern Day Emily still can't part with).  During a Summer vacation.  High School Emily stayed after class to discuss passages from "Hamlet" or "The Invisible Man" that particularly moved her.  High School Emily was Editor-in-Chief of her school newspaper, The Falconer.  High School Emily ate lunch in the Journalism room during 85% of her senior year.

Alright, great.  I think that we're all friends now.

I'm introducing you to HSE because today I want to talk a little about passion.  Next week I have my annual review at work and that sort of thing always begs the big questions such as WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? and WHAT AM I TRULY MOTIVATED BY? and WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT, LIKE REALLY?  Those are in caps because they are just that big.

What happens to you when you think about those things?  Today my thoughts took me back to that girl I was, someone who was SO passionate and also SO confident about how life would pan out.  I had all these specific and big dreams that I was going to study Journalism at Columbia and run around NYC with a steno always in hand, telling all the stories that hadn't been told yet and winning a few Pulitzers in the process.

And life didn't work out that way.  About 3/4 into my senior year I just got burnt out.  I know it wasn't as though I was working for the Post or something, but the demands of being editor got to me and I decided it wasn't something I wanted to pursue.  So I went to college and started pursuing creative writing.  And then after college I was close to pursuing a master's in poetry.  And then instead I started working for a start-up reading the news for a living.

Life is always super changing, and I think that High School Emily would be pretty sad that things haven't gone exactly as planned -- but what I've learned as I've gotten older and had different experiences is that your passions can be bigger than your current circumstance.  Yes, passions can result in specific plans coming to fruition. And that's great and I'm glad for anyone that happens to.  But I don't think it has to be that way. In fact, I think it'd be sad if life works out differently than what you imagined and you just let your passions go to waste.

Whatever it is I end up making of my life, I know that I have a passion for story.  I love to tell stories and I love to listen to them and I love connecting them to one another and marveling at the conversation.  I love when what I write or read makes that sort of thing happen.  That is what I'm passionate about.

That's what drove me in high school, and college, and even in my current job.  I'm completely uncertain about where that will take me or who will have similar dreams and spur me on or where that means I should move or what I should study or anything like that.  But I'm ok with it.  I'm ok letting my passions be like rumble strips on the highway I currently find myself driving -- I trust that they will shake my bones a bit when I'm getting off track.

So here's a little homework for you (Editor Emily is LOVING assigning this) -- what's your passion statement? Not what do you want your passions to allow you to do, but simply what do you find yourself passionate about NOW?

Write it out.  And then ask yourself: Do I let my passions infiltrate my current circumstance in life?  Does my passion bring me the fullest joy?  Do my passions connect me in relationship to other people?  Do I hang onto my passions when my circumstances change?

And if the answer is no to any of that, ask yourself why.  It is a challenging and good to think through those things.  Even if it means digging embarrassing shirts out of your closet and wondering why you just can't let them go.