about not doing things for other people

Everyday, I let other people break my heart.

I do it without meaning to. I do it because I want things from other people, and they don't give it to me. You know when you feel like the sky owes you sunshine and then it rains? It's sort of like that. Without realizing it, I often demand that other people love me more, accept me more, and affirm me more. And then - they fail me.  And I realize I set them up for that failure.  

About a week ago, I had the pleasure of hearing a friend's mentor speak about some fundamental rules of following Jesus that will carry you through life.  One of them was this: do everything for an audience of one. 

That hit me like a slap. It is a statement that has been reverberating around the cavern of my heart in echoes, hitting against hard walls and refusing to go away.  Because as a person who, like most people, longs so much to be loved at all times by everyone, I find myself feeling like life is the Emily Thompson reality show and the world is the stage.

I could write about a million reasons why living for the approval of others is harmful.  But what has been resonating with me the most is two things: when we live for the love and acceptance of others, we are 1) settling for an lesser affection and 2) not experiencing freedom.

I love what Jesus makes clear in John 5.  He actually says, word for word "I do not receive glory from people" (v41).  When we try to do that, we're settling.  Glory, which is magnificence, beauty, and honor, simply can't come from where we're looking for it.  It comes from God alone.

Furthermore, looking to people for our glory leaves us as slaves to a cycle of disappointment.  Because it isn't really the source, it's not the well of life.  We'll get a drop of water and return thirsty, only to find there is nothing left for us that will satisfy and fulfill.

So let's stop doing things for other people.  Let's stop seeking their approval.  Because loving someone so that they will love and praise you back isn't really love at all.  And because all we need, even if we are despised and misunderstood and forgotten by every living soul on the world, is something we already obtain -- love and acceptance from the Most Holy, Most Good, Most Powerful, All-Knowing Creator WHO MADE US.  That's a game-changer, folks.

I'm not really positive how it works, the whole "living for an audience of one thing", but here's how I'm gonna try it out.  The next time I find myself manipulating my way into someone else's approval, I'm going to stop just for a second.  I'm going to ask myself "If no one saw me do this, would I still go through with it?" and "What is my motivation here?" and also "Who is my audience, and can they really give me life?"