about Middle School Emily

Dear readers,
I'd like to introduce you to someone,  Her name is Middle School Emily.
She existed about 10 years ago and boy, she was a character.

Here are a few fun facts you may be interested in knowing:
Middle School Emily enjoyed:

1) Lip gloss. As much as she could get her hands on.  In fact, she made one of her best friends while bonding over the different lip glosses in their purses during 7th grade homeroom.  They are still best friends to this day, but luckily no longer only discuss which shade of glittery lip smackers is sexiest.

2) Screaming at her mother every morning that she had nothing to wear.  Middle School Emily was in a constant battle with her wardrobe; nothing seemed cool enough or short enough or American Eagle enough to be seen strutting down the hallways of Warrenton Middle.

3) Being a class-A b-word.  But for real.  No one ever believes this when Current Day Emily says it, but it's true. Middle School Emily did really kind things like creating a seating chart for her table in the cafeteria so as to avoid sitting with anyone who may put a damper on her super popular Middle School persona. I mean, who you associate with in Middle School totally makes or breaks your future.

4) AIM relationships.  Flirting on her AOL screen-name (lipglossluv4u or leocrazy47, created after she saw Titanic of course) was her day job.  She would print out all her convos with boys, share them with her friends, analyze every romantic emoticon usage, and never talk to said boy in real life.

5) Celebrities.  Middle School Emily had a ziploc bag full of cutout photos from magazines of all the current hotties - Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Leonardo Dicaprio, etc. etc.  Current Day Emily is still perplexed by what purpose those cutouts served, but if at any point there was an emergency in which someone needed a picture collection of all the biggest teen heartthrobs in order to save the planet, Middle School Emily would have become a legend.

6) Nicknames.  MSE and her friends had a nickname for everything.  For themselves, (Ilro was her's which is"Orli" backwards, short for Orlando Bloom of course), for boys they liked (one of her crushes was nicknamed "Golfbag" and Current Day Emily has no recollection of why), and for their teachers.  This was mostly so they could talk about everyone behind their backs without anyone being able to tell who the gossip was directed at.  MSE enjoyed being both sly and a poop face.

7) Movie marathons.  Almost every weekend MSE and her friends would terrorize one of their parent's homes with a sleepover that consisted of hours of girly squeals, prank calling boys, and watching the same movies over and over again.  They watched movies like Lord of the Rings, not because it is arguably the best story ever written, but because Orlando Bloom was in it and he was hot.  They were endlessly holding intellectual discussions over which Brad Pitt they preferred - Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt, Meet Joe Black Brad Pitt, or Troy Brad Pitt.  To this day there has been no conclusive winner.


8) Writing notes.  MSE and her friends created the infamous "Note Notebook"  in which they discussed all the urgent matters of the day - where "Tibbar" was going to make-out with her boyfriend for the first time, why getting an "A" in Spanish was so difficult, and how they should divide their summer vacation between tanning and shopping.  To read some of the tantalizing details, take a peek below.

*Current Day Emily would like to make the disclaimer that she should no longer be held responsible for the actions/words of MSE because MSE was an idiot.

The Note Notebook included cute outfits -- it was always necessary to know the brand, duh! 

Counting down until one of the most important events of our lives, Space Camp! 

"I'm out like the phrase bling bling!" 

No NN would be complete without a quiz of what type of guy you're best suited for.  How else would you know if Seventeen Magazine didn't tell you?!

Another important question.  

"..I turned on the T.V. and this talk show was on, and the girl was like "no guy has ever been interested in me my whole life".  I mean, sure it was because she had no legs or arms, but it was so sad!!" 

NN gave us great pictures to pay attention to instead of class. 

The sidenote says "It's hard to believe he is in his 40's!" #middleschoolcreeps

Tampon personality quizzes.  

Keeping our "Hot Guys List" always accurate and timely. 

OMG which are your fave? 

We figured that NN wasn't obnoxious enough so we had to write our notes in neon colors that make your eyes bleed.  (Also  - "OMG! I actually have an official crush right now! It's Golfbag! He's so perfect, I mean I can't stop thinking about him!" 

*sigh* H-O-T-T!

about FALL, y'all!

What a GREAT summer this has been! I loved spending these warm months in the city accomplishing almost all of the things on my summer bucket list.  And even though I'm a tiny bit sad to see the season change, mostly I'm just excited for Fall to come!  It is hands down my very favorite season and there is a lot to look forward to, including but not limited to: 

Enjoying the leaves changing in my new favorite happy place.  Stereo-typically spending too much of my paycheck on PSL's.  Sweater weather! Brightly colored tights weather!  Scarf weather! Going on a ghost tour. Or two.  Having bonfires.  Eating s'mores until I explode. Tromping around in my comfy, scuffed up brown boots. Filling up on gratitude and comfort food.  (and of course waking up to catch the parade). Trying to forget that this song exists (while at the same time still saying "givin' thanks y'all!" like it's my day job). Finding a massive pile of leaves to jump in. Having friends over for good convos over cider. Watching the best seasonally appropriate movies. Shoving my face with handfuls of candy corn and realizing I'll never learn my lesson. Taking a hayride.  Picking apples and eating donuts in the sweetest city.  YAR-ing it up.  Watching football (just kidding, sports are dumb). Attempting a homemade Halloween costume.  Finding seasonally appropriate poem inspiration. Enjoying the general calm before the winter holiday storm.  

about going

I vividly remember what it was like driving to college on move-in day.

I was in the backseat of my parents' car feeling like I could either hysterically sob and/or projectile vomit everywhere.

Getting accepted into college was exciting.  But leaving and actually GOING to college? Not so much. Abandoning my high school and my friends and my town and my family felt like the scariest and most uncomfortable thing I could do.  I sat in the backseat and prayed that somehow I'd wake up in my old bed, like everything had just been a dream, that I wasn't driving at what felt like lightning speed toward the biggest transition of my life to date.

I made my dad stop every two seconds for a "bathroom break" or insisted that I needed coffee from every fast food place we drove by that served it. Despite my best efforts, we eventually made it to school and that night I wept (silently, not wanting my new roomie to think I was too much of a freak) in bed for hours.

I'm thinking about this because I recently read through the book of Jonah.  I love how the story is not only magical but relatable.  The Lord calls Jonah to go to Nineveh, and he is so full of fear that he flees and jumps on a ship to get as far away from there as he can.

Here is a truth about me -- when I feel like I'm being asked to go someplace new, or asked to go emotionally or spiritually into an area of forgiveness or grace, usually I would really rather not.

But a truth about God is this -- He will ask you to go someplace you may not choose to be, and it will be hard.  But it will also be beautiful.

It is astonishing to me how persistent the Lord is with Jonah - that He doesn't even stop short of carrying him via whale stomach to the place He knew he should be - how unbelievable is that?  And it both scares me and encourages me that there is nothing I can do to avoid arriving on the exact right shore at exactly the right time.  

When Jonah finally arrives in Nineveh his purposes there are carried out and the result is miraculous. The people repent and they begin to live life to the full.  And reading that story reminds me of those times when I have gone - or rather, been carried - to places I refused to go because my imagination simply wouldn't stretch to picture the blessings there.  

Maybe traveling to that place doesn't feel beautiful in the moment, and maybe your legs will be wobbly and your voice shaky, but one day you will be glad you went there because you were called and that call fulfilled itself in the course of your life. 

One day you will look back on the city you studied in for four years of your life and be surprised that you resisted it once.  Or you will remember a conversation that took the most courage you've ever possessed and how gorgeous it eventually became. 

And sometimes you must go more than once, to that hard place of forgiveness, or of grace.  You will be called there again and again because the goal of going is Perfection, not just Improvement.  And you will learn as you go often that you are not alone, and the comfort of that makes the going all that more powerful and all the more sweet.  

about kids

One of the greatest joys of my life to date has been getting to know, encourage, support and love vulnerable children in Nicaragua.  They have taught me so much and they have made me laugh from the root of my soul so many times I've lost track.  (just spy that little handsome Justin Bieber impersonator above -- I lost it that day)  

Today I was praying for them, thinking of my tiny amigos who feel so far away sometimes.  I was thinking of what a deep and gorgeous gift kids are, how they allow us to dream about the future and give us rest from the small details of worry that come so often with age. 

I was thinking of how blessed I might get to be one day, if I ever get to be a mother myself.  I thought of how magical it must be to see everything again for the first time through the eyes of your child, how endearing to explain to them small things like spelling their name, how fun to have little dance parties in the kitchen while you cook them pancakes into shapes that make them laugh.  

And I thought too of how awesome it is, this responsibility we have as families and communities to raise children, because it mirrors so much the nurturing process going on in our souls.  It reveals to us just how deep and wide and long and high our Father's love for us is.  We get a taste of the fierceness and the loyalty of that love in how we love children, and I think (and hear) that you must come to this beautiful new understanding of love once you have a child of your own.  

I love that the Lord knits into the fabric of our earthly existence these opportunities that teach us about the way He feels for us.  As we build our own families, as we get married and share our lives with friends and love other people we are made beautiful because we are made more like Jesus.  We come closer and closer to understanding the depth with which we are valued and known.  I love the pattern of that.  I love the hope and all the future joy those dreams bring into my life even now.